i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
