apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
