Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
