I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
