$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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