remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
