I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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