I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
