If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
