C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
