First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
