when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
