I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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