My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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