Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
