direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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