i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
