hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
