Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
