Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
