I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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