6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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