my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
