It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
