I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
