Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
