It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
