You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
