i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
