note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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