Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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