Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
