Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
