So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I need to calm my uterus...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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