my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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