i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
