Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize