Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
