Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
