I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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