he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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