Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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