Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
