Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
