i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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