She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Sorry my hands just texted you
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
