An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
