anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
