I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
