i wish starbucks made bloody marys
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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